[15 Sep 2005|11:03pm] Mills 1 Samantha Mills Professor Whiteacre English 1101-71 September 12, 2005 What will my major be? Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed to be a princess, like every other girl in the world. Now it comes time for me to face the real world, and pick a major that will actually get me somewhere in life. This semester I hope to accomplish my goal of picking my major, so that I can find out what degree I need, and what classes I have to take in order to fulfill the needs of my major. Picking a major is difficult, because I don’t have the slightest idea what I am interested in. The person that this will affect the most in the end, is me because it will determine the rest of my life. Since I am not sure what I want to major in, it’s a good thing to know where to start. I was interested in chemistry my junior year, and from there my senior year I joined medical careers. Medical careers is a class involving hands on experience at a hospital. My first unit was pharmacy, I was in it for 2 weeks and I became very interested in it after the unit was over. I started asking the pharmacy techs what it would take for me to become a pharmacist, and they answered my questions very vaguely so I became less interested in it. I realized that I would need to be good in math, which is one subject I am not too excellent in. Why did being a pharmacist interest me so much? I’ve never had my heart set on anything more than I did with becoming a pharmacist and I didn’t know why. I know that I have a major problem in my life right now because all of my friends know what they want to do with their life. They all are taking classes that will actually go towards their degree. Me, on the other hand, I’m stuck taking basic classes and I’m not even sure why? I don’t want to pick a major and take all of the classes and get my degrees and then in the end not want to do it. I think that it will be pointless, that’s why I’m taking an education class right now, and hopefully that will help me narrow some of my interests down. My entire life I have wondered where I will be when I’m 35. Will I be married? Will I have a career that will make me enough money to keep a family? Will I have kids? Now It’s coming down to where I have to decide what I want to do. I think in the next few months I’ll just have to narrow everything down and do something even if I don’t like it. That is what I’m most scared about, what if I pick a major that will be too hard to even accomplish? I have learned a lot about myself this past year, but not enough to tell me what I want to do with the rest of my life. If I don’t pick my major soon, the consequences will probably be me working at McDonalds for the majority of my life, or living on the streets. That’s the way I look at it, at least. I know that one day I will eventually figure out what I want to do, and hopefully be happy with it. There is usually an answer to all problems, even if it takes days, months, or years comment

english [09 Sep 2005|12:24pm] Samantha Mills Professor Whiteacre English 1101-71 September 9, 2005 Problems. 1.) What will my major be? 2.) How will I know if it’s what I want to do? How many times will I change my major? What classes do I need? How many years of schooling? How much money will I make in a year? 3.) This will affect me, and my family, anyone else around me. This semester I hope to accomplish my goal of picking my major, so that I can find out what degree I need, and what classes I have to take in order to fulfill the needs of my major. 1 comment

[13 Jan 2005|09:16pm] ( cpc paper, dont even bother reading. ) 2 comment

[05 Jan 2005|10:28pm] woah! i miss this journal!! it fucking wont let me update on my other one. comment

[14 Sep 2004|03:40pm] jesus h christ. when are things going to get better? i was so crabby today and yesterday and sunday. i dont know whats wrong with me. just last week i was saying how happy i was and shit. i dont know. last night was gay. lima told me about terris cousins homecoming and how its the same day as ours and it made me feel so bad. i dont wanna get him introuble. all i know is that i dont really wanna go to homecoming, but since i am going hes the one person i want to go with. idk why i just can't picture me going and having fun if he wasn't there. mehhh whatever i just want this all to be over with. i want the rest of this damn week to end. im so tired. i feel like i haven't slept in days. atleast i have things to look forward to this weekend. minkis and the coast affair.. i leave you with this because it's just so true... "I didn't mean to yell, But I'm having quite a bad week And I miss my mom."-saves the day meaning. sorry if i've been a bitch. i need someone to cheer me up. 2 comment

[13 Sep 2004|08:03pm] this could be my homecoming dress. i still dont know if i like it? any comments? 5 comment

you better read the tiny print, you better read it right before you sign [13 Sep 2004|04:37pm] today = shit. just like i expected because when i have one bad day, usually one or two more follow. i just want my mom home. my house is a shit hole. im actually gunna clean it though. the audition has a new song on purevolume. it really made me happy to hear it. oh how i love them. hmm atleast i have somethings to look forward to this weekend. mondays over and thats the worst day of the week, so hopefully things get better. i love you jeff if your reading this ;) 4 comment

i got a bad feeling about this [12 Sep 2004|06:30pm] fuck homecoming. the dresses they have this year suck. if only my boobs weren't so damn big i'd be able to get a dress. i found the CUTEST one. it was black and long and had pink outlining. it was simple and cute but of course it wouldnt zip up past my boobs and it was the only size they had. hopefully other stores have it =[ i only looked in two stores and i already feel like shit. and i dont even think lima wants to go with me so wahts the point? errrrrr edit hmm well i just got back from my aunts house. it was really awkward. as soon as i walked in i almost cried. i haven't been there since my grandma died and the first thing i saw was a picture of her. she looked so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. my aunts were questioning me and my sister and it got kinda annoying. they kept asking us about my cousin sunnie and her personal life. then they asked how my grandmas room was. i dont know, everything is so different now, i fucking hate it. idk then they were asking about my mom, and why she left town and stuff. my aunt tried making me stay at her house for the week, but i said no. idk it woulda been weird. i've been thinking so much about all this weird shit and it keeps bringing me to tears. i'm scared about the rest of the school year. its going by soo fast. high school is almost over and i feel like i've got nothing accomplished. i mean, yeah i made amazing friends...but i'll probably lose most of them when/if i go to college. i'm so fucking lazy. i can't bring myself to do anything. all i ever wanna do is sleep or go to shows. i can't even get a fucking job. how pathetic am i? seriously...somethings gotta be wrong with me. i always think about how much i COULD have if i had a job but yet i never bring myself to get up and find one. idk i guess i just keep tihnking that its not fair to me because when my sister was my age she didn't have to do shit. everything was handed to her. but now i have to work for everything. it really blows. i mean i dont know i can't explain it. well yeah i had to get all that off my chest. god i just need my grandma here. i cant stand this shit anymore. i'd be 1000 times happier if she was here. she was the only one who knew how to comfort me. she always STOOD UP FOR ME with my sister and my mom. i always feel like my fucking mom and sister are both against me. like they think im some horrible depressed kid who does drugs and gets drunk every weekend. i dont know why they think that. my sister thinks she has all this power over me and it pisses me off. she thinks that the van is hers when its not. my grandma left it to both of us and told us to switch off. i get it like once a week. its bullshit. i just wish they both would listen to what i have to say. errr 5 comment

[12 Sep 2004|10:44am] HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE CIMINO hmm yesterday was a good day. minkis recording was quite fun. we stayed there for like 5 hours. the place was kinda scummy, but it was good to hang out with the minkis boys again. yeah... my mom is gone for 3 days and she left me and my sister with NO money. fun huh? this should be an intersting 3 days. im tired... comment

tonight ill sit and pick apart your pictures and over analyze your words... [11 Sep 2004|10:09am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | the spill canvas ] wow. yesterday was as good as i expected it to be. maybe even better ;) school dragged ass, but finally it ended and i came home, cleaned and fell asleep. then we had to find a ride to KOC and thank god alex drove us. we got there and the first person we saw was evo. im telling you its fate. haha just kidding. but yeah we waited around for like 2 hours. we went to some restraunt because i was starving and i payed 250 to eat 2 cheese sticks. i was pretty pissed off but whatever. anyways then we called eric to see if we were missing the audition and hes like "yeah" so we ran as fast as we could back to knights and he lied. err i was so mad. but then they started setting up. they opened with "oh how cliche" and seriously i thought i was gunna die. during the first 30 seconds of the song i fell and every stepped on me and they were kicking me and both my shoes fell off, christinas hat got ripped off of me and it broke (im sorry about that xstina) yeah but it was fucking great. this was the best i've ever seen them. the crowd actually MOVED. it was fucking awesome. they only played like 5 songs. i wish they coulda played like 10 then it woulda been even better. i was in the front row and i could feel evos breath on me. it was great. haha after they played i told tommy and nick that i wanted to go up to evo and be like "dude i fucking love you" and they're like do it...make your dreams come true and im like nooo. so they went up to evo and told him that i wanted to hug him and so i went by him and hes like "its okay free hugs all around" i was like aww. the things my friends to for me. so thanks tommy n nickster. pete from fall out boy was there just chillen and i went up to him and shook his hand haha it was cute. christina you shoulda asked him to homecoming. it woulda been great. he probably woulda said yes. and marisa i still think we shoulda told him the story about our grandma dying so we coulda went to the fob tbs show =[ yeah but anyways...hmm then we chilled outside and then this band toastface came on. they were the shit. they passed out glowsticks to everyone and turned the lights off and everyone was going crazy and moshing and dancing it was awesome. hmmm then OF came on. idk i still have those feelings about them. they don't impress me much, idk why. they have talent, but idk i can't explain it. they didn't play the one song i wanted to hear so that kinda sucks. after the show me and christina went outside so i could call someone and joe from the audition was standing out there and he was so nice. he came up to us and hes like thanks for coming and he hugged us and then we were talking about mayfield haha it was great. EVO GAVE ME AND XSTINA FREE PINS. hes so niceee. anywaysss then we went to marisas and steve came and picked me up and then we chilled at nicks. it was good times. havent hung out w/ those people in what seems like forever. then steve slept over and we passed out as soon as we got home and now im awake. good times... today me and ashley are gunna go to minkis recording. that should be fun. i miss the minkis boys, haven't seen em in awhile. man, i hate this 9-11 stuff. its so sad. =[ i miss my grandma. thursday night i layed in bed crying thinking about her. i just wish she could come back. god things would be so much better if she was here. better with school, the family...everything. she did so much for me. idk what im gunna do the rest of this year without her... shwell time to shower. comment

i know that this is what you want, a funeral keeps both of us apart [09 Sep 2004|06:12pm] you know that you are not alone, i need you like water in my lungs where would i be without brand new? mmm... so today dragged ass. we had a 140 and it felt like we got out at 3. crazyness. me n kelly came here and read our books. kelly forced me to read, what a good friend =] then i passed out on my couch and kelly passed out on my bed and we woke up at 5. it was good times =] tomorrow= the audition saturday= minkis recording sunday= steves 18th birthday hopefully i get to see steve one of these days for his bday =/ edit hmm well you see my mom just informed me that she'd be gone from sunday-wednesday. wow she's with her boyfriend alot lately. i guess its good that shes happy, but im kinda scared of whats gunna happen with them. what if he like proposes to her or something? then we're gunna move or some shit. things will just be crazy weird. idk...yuck Remember the time's when the street light's would shine so bright and we'd watch night's unlay and talk forever...And i'd watch your eye's as they slowley met mine. Conversation flows like current events and the best of the best times, i hope we never forget cause you are you...The purpose toward's something that will never met on the phone so late but your so eager to sleep but you wont let me go and i love it like Midnight seeks or breaking heart's or like lines on leaves...Call me and tell me how much you care i'll stay near by your side let your nose graze mine, utter words to this melody so fake and off time. Kiss me before we say GoodnightThe Coast Affair* tommy how do you think of shit like this? god its amazing... 2 comment

i will always fight on for you [08 Sep 2004|07:52pm] id walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes, these soles are useless without you. i dont feel good. i had a test in physiology today, it wasn't too bad, but i totally forgot about it so i didn't study. the rest of the day was a blur. idk why but i was so damn tired. i fell asleep in almost every class. 8th period was the worst though. i seriously kept dozing off while he was talking and he kept talking really loud everytime he walked by me. i was like fuckkkkk. hmm after school went to nicks pizza with felly patty n christina. good times good times. then walked to fels. then my sister picked me up and i just woke up now. the audition in 2 days =] comment

[07 Sep 2004|10:58pm] "here you can be anything, anything that scares you. i think that scares you" amazing... 2 comment

please dont let me go... [07 Sep 2004|08:14pm] seriously, why is sleep so amazing? ahh i love it. i just woke up from a 3 hour nap. felt great. school wasn't bad today, but i kept falling asleep in all my classes. i seriously WATCHED the time go by in foods. that class is BEYOND boring. the rest of the day went by pretty quick. im sick of hearing about homecoming. dont boycott mark allen shows. as much of an idiot he is, minkis, nine or never and other bands still do shows for him so show your support for the bands. fuck what mark allen wants. <3 and dont yell at me anyone for saying that. its how i feel. and IM NOT A DRUNK for the person who commented on my other journal. thanks comment

so heres a present to let you know i still exist... [06 Sep 2004|11:43pm] meh. i fucking hate physiology. i dont think im going to make it through the year with that class. im just really stupid though. apologies to lima for putting up with me all day. thanks and i love you. um. there might be a show at my house on the 25th. that'd be cool. the coast affair & minkis shweet huh? i have to talk to my momma about it though. im praying she says yeah. that'd be awesome. 4 days til i get to see the audition <3 2 comment

[06 Sep 2004|12:34am] do it if your cool, do it if your cool Comment and Ask me 6 questions about myself, anything you wish to know about me, random, crazy, deep, personal, anything, and I MUST answer truthfully. In return you post this and see what people ask you. i really hope that lima is okay. it scared me talking on the phone with him. tonight really sucked. 6 comment

you wouldnt know a good thing if it came up and slit your throat... [05 Sep 2004|01:39pm] look at my new icon =] its hott huh? thanks no_ones_grl you rock. hmm yesterday was alright i guess. i mostly did laundry and layed around all day. then christo came and got me and kelly and we went to matts to play pool. yeah take my advice and NEVER PLAY POOL WITH ME. me and matt were on a team and kelly and christo were on a team. somehow me and matt won, but it was all him. i actually got a ball in though. yahh! goo me. hmm but then we came here and just chilled. drank some. i dont really remember the rest, but all i know is chris slept in my bed and took his boxers off haha. sicko. hmm we woke up at like 11 and chris made us hamburgers and now we're watching tv. ALLEN (chris's cousin) is in town today so he invited me n kel to his family party for dinner and stuff. that should be fun. im going to the mall with ashley at like 3... hmm..my mom has been gone all weekend. she says she feels bad but its not really a big deal. its been kinda peaceful. im just glad shes having fun & shes happy. but yeah. much love. sorry if i called you or anything yesterday... comment

[05 Sep 2004|02:46am] i drank 2 much 2 comment

[04 Sep 2004|05:03pm] ( Sticks and stones may break your bones... ) 2 comment

[04 Sep 2004|04:08pm] hmm yesterday was interesting. school went by fast. then i came home and fell asleep. ate dinner. fel came to get me n christina. went to the game. chilled. went to kevins. rew picked us up. came back here. chilled. talked online. slept. woke up this morning at 8 to christo IMing me. fell back asleep. woke up. thought there was a mouse in my garage. freaked out. did laundry. cleaned my room. watched the VMA's. now im sitting here waiting to see what's going on for tonight. i am not a happy camper. taking back sunday and fall out boy sold out and i didn't get tickets =[ comment

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